When Epic Does Mean Forever
by Lrnd
Summary: Veronica is murdered during a case that no one knew she was working on. She has left goodbye letters in the form of videos. This will eventually be LoVe. Mentions of VeronicaPiz LoganParker, ensemble. Rating is for language & sexual implications. multPOV
1. Restless nights in 1 night cheap hotels

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me and in fact I own nothing and am judgment proof. The title of this chapter is courtesy of TS Eliot.

Chapter One

Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

It was hard to breathe. The night kept pressing in on him and he just couldn't breathe. His heart felt like it was slowing contracting in on itself. He felt like dying. Was it possible to drown in your bed?

Logan carefully got out of bed, carefully to avoid waking Parker sleeping beside him.

He walked to the bar and took out some scotch. It was her favorite drink. He loved tasting it on her tongue when she would give him slightly drunk kisses which always led to other sensuous pleasures. In their relationship they had frantic kisses, hot and hard sex against the door, but Logan always appreciated those slightly drunken kisses the most. They were slow and languorous. He always felt he could kiss her forever and never take a breath. That would have been his chosen method of death. Suffocation and to pillowed eternally on her lips.

Only in remembering her lips and her legs wrapped around him could he take that breath that his lungs desperately wanted and needed to live another moment.

Was it wrong of him to yearn for another blonde when he had a perfectly gorgeous and loving blonde in his bed?

No, of course not. He was male after all. Only it wasn't the typical thoughtless masturbatory dreams of a woman with all the right curves and a talented tongue. No, it was his neverending craving for her. The one who was epic. The one who all women were measured against and failed to satisfy.

Veronica Mars.

Logan said her name aloud, mouth and tongue caressing the syllables and remembered when he would come screaming it, remembered when she put her hand in his and he would whisper it against her skin, remembered when he first said it and knew that she was the one.

He took that first sip of scotch. It burned down his throat. But it was a good burn. Not like the cigarette burns on the couch or on his back. No it was that burn that kept you warm on a cold night.

Speaking metaphorically of course because after all it was southern California and it didn't really get that cold at night and well he was rich and had blankets.

It was the inside the body cold. It was the chill in the bones when he learned his mother was really dead and wasn't coming back. It was the frost on his mind when he learned that his father had fucked his girlfriend and killed her. It was the ice that clamped around his heart when he learned that Veronica Mars was dead.


	2. Till human voices wake us, and we drown

Disclaimer: Own Nothing. Am Poor. Chapter Title belongs to TS Eliot.

Author's Note: Timeline -- Logan and Veronica broke up in mid-January. It is now mid-June. I am not a tech savvy person but I think you can make DVDs from your laptop, if not then in this world you can. () indicate actions taken by Veronica in the video.

Chapter 2: Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

It was a ritual. He would pour the scotch. Take a sip, wander to the DVD player, place the disc in, and hit play. He muted the sound, he didn't want to wake Parker. She was a good girl. He didn't want her to be upset that he was wallowing in a misery that no one else would be able to understand. Dreaming and hoping that an ex-girlfriend wasn't really dead. Feeling that he had no right to feel this way since he broke her heart with eyes wide open several months ago. Feeling that he was the only one who had the right to feel this way because she was everything to him and ex-girlfriend was only a label that covered nothing about what they were to each other.

Then Veronica would appear on the screen shifting nervously in her seat. There was a pause before she would begin. Logan looked at the familiar background. She was in her room. He had identified it at a glance, he knew it very well after all. He knew what the inside of her closet looked like after being stuffed in there on numerous occasions. He knew how hard her floor was after rolling underneath the bed to hide the fact that he had spent the night from her gun-toting father. He knew every stuffed animal and picture on the wall. It didn't look like anything had changed since he had last been.

And he knew Keith would never change it. It would become a shrine and there was a cold comfort in that.

On screen, Veronica would finally open her mouth to speak. The sound was muted but it didn't matter. Logan had watched this so many times, he had her words memorized.

_(Veronica begins to speak)_

_Hi Logan. Ahem. Well, if you are seeing this, then I guess my case went way more south than I expected and I am dead. You are the first I am doing this with because there was so many firsts with you. Don't tell my dad though, I think he would probably want to have been first on the list of death notes. He's next, but he and I don't have as many issues. I know I am coming off a little callous and perhaps a little melodramatic, but well I never had this much time to contemplate my death before. Okay, umm, let's try to get this back on track. (Veronica tosses her hair back in a pony tail)_

_This is my final good-bye to you. We had so many, but I think this one is worse because you won't, I guess, have a chance to say good-bye to me, well at least verbally. It's unfair, but I was never one to be fair. I was always, get even and get even more even so they don't ever try anything ever again and if there is a chance, get the money shot to blackmail them with later. (Veronica does that little head tilt that Logan loves so much)_

_ Maybe I will visit you from the grave? Lilly always visited me._

_I had major trust and intimacy issues. Still do. Some that had to do with you. Some with Duncan and Some with my mom. That hurt us and I am sorry for that. I am so sorry that I didn't tell you I love you when you said it that night in Big Bird. Veronica smirks and then becomes serious again_

_I am so sorry I didn't trust you when I accused you of murder. I am so sorry I ran away time and time again. It was hard for me and I realize now I should have tried harder. You were better than I deserved. (A tear rolls down her cheek)_

_I say these words now because it needs to be said. Every time I see you I want to touch you. I want to mark you as mine, even after we broke up and I know that I was the one that broke up with you, but hey, I was never if not contrary. I love you Logan. Veronica smiles a slightly broken grin_

_You said it perfectly that night at the Alterna-Prom. We are Epic and I thought that meant it was forever. There was blood shed, there were tears. In my heart of hearts, I always thought we would fall back to each other. Lives would be destroyed and years would be wasted, but we would always come back to each other despite it all. Because we belong to each other. Our souls were meant to travel with each other. But I guess I was wrong and I was never happier to be wrong. (Veronica takes a deep breath)_

_Because you are happy. Happier than you ever were with me and for that I am glad that I let you go. Parker makes you happy and you seem more at peace than ever. I see you now and I know Lilly would love the man that you have become. Your mom would be so proud. I know that because that's how I feel. _

_The first time I let you go it was because I was scared for you. _

_The second time, you let me go because you were scared I would hurt you. _

_The third time that I let you go was because I was scared that you didn't know me at all because you slept with Madison. _

_This time I let you go because I love you. I know, nothing more cliché than if you love them set them free. It's true though._

_Here are my final words to you._

_Logan Echolls, I love you and I trust you. I'm dead and I am not sure how, but don't be sad for too long. Don't go too crazy with the drinks and damage. Be at peace and be happy. That's all I ever wanted for you and I am just sorry that I could never do that for you. (Veronica reaches out to push a button)_

_Screen goes black_


	3. Like a patient etherised upon a table

Disclaimer: VM doesn't belong to me. I am poor so please don't sue. Title comes from TS Eliot.

A/N: I am not entirely sure where I am going with this story. I am mostly procrastinating because I should be studying for finals. () indicates Veronica's Actions in the Video. Italics indicate Veronica speaking from the video. Also death videos clearly made in advance of death and other activities.

Chapter 3: Like a patient etherised upon a table

Parker turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. She knows that Logan thinks she's sleeping. She knows that Logan thinks he is being stealthy watching the video of his dead ex-girlfriend every fucking night since he got it 2 weeks ago.

Parker knows that ever since he find out that Veronica Mars died, he hasn't touched her. Oh they still sleep in the same bed, but he very carefully has not touched her. She touches him and sometimes she has caught him in a flinch.

She isn't sure whether it is because he thinks that he is betraying Veronica even though he owes her nothing. Or maybe it is because thus far all his serious girlfriends have been killed and he has this warped chivalrous idea that his touch is poison. That could be true too. He has had a poor history of keeping girlfriends alive.

Girlfriend #1: Lilly Kane who fucked Logan and Logan's father, bashed in the forehead with an ash tray and leaving a bloody corpse.

Girlfriend #2: Veronica Mars who fucked more than Logan's body, twisting her wiles into his heart and mind, burned alive in a car bombing with only some teeth left to identify her.

However, Parker is fairly sure that it is Veronica Mars torturing her from beyond the grave for breaking the girl code and dating her ex. For sleeping in the bed that Veronica Mars used to sleep in when she was with Logan. Parker was never very superstitious but well, Veronica Mars was a scary, controlling bitch in life and she still is even when she is dead because Veronica has finally gotten what she couldn't get in life: Logan is probably going to break up with her.

Parker is also fairly sure that she is going to hell for thinking these thoughts because really Veronica was unfailingly polite to her, gave her blessings for the relationship, and even went to her birthday party. Veronica wasn't ready to move on but even tried to with Piz. The two couples had even gone on one of those extremely awkward double dates where only Parker and Piz would chatter aimlessly to fill those deep and dark silences. Logan and Veronica would throw in a sniping, but insightful comment and the silence would begin anew.

They certainly never tried that again.

Parker had wanted to be her friend, but it was impossible to be friends with her and to be in a relationship with Logan and so she had let Veronica go. She thought she wanted a friend but when she had Logan, that's all she really wanted.

How surprised was she when it turned out that Veronica had even left her a death note or well death video.

_(Veronica is in her room again, this time wearing different clothes and it can be seen from the window that the time is different from Logan's video)_

_Hi Parker,_

_I bet you are surprised that you were on my list to say good-bye to. I certainly was. But I realized that I do have something to say to you and it definitely isn't "bitch that's my man" although that sentiment is certainly something that I wanted to say to you a lot before. (Veronica looks only a little apologetic) _

_I love Logan and I don't think that will ever change. But I am not good for him. Not like you are._

_I bet you are surprised that I can say that with a straight face since I spend most of my time avoiding you two. (Veronica nods knowingly)_

_But it's true. You are good for him. You make him happy. I told you once that I was raped. I don't think I ever really got over that night. It damaged me I think beyond the point where I could have a healthy relationship. I envy your ability to move past it because that makes you a stronger person than me. Someone that I can entrust Logan to._

_I'm sorry Parker that I never got that chance to know you. This of course is only a sentiment I can express from the grave because if I was alive and you were dating then Logan, then I would have continued like hell to avoid you two. _

_But I am dead and I want you to take care of Logan for me be it as a girlfriend or friend. I care too much for him to be selfish. _

_Thanks Parker. I know you are a good person and your efforts to be my friend despite my being a heinous bitch shows that you are at least persistent enough to be there for him. _

_I guess that it. Bye. _

Parker closes her eyes when she hears the door quietly open. Logan climbs very carefully back into bed trying not to disturb even a sheet, just as he has done every night for the past two weeks.

Both of them lying side by side, pretending to be asleep. Waiting until the night was over and they could pretend that they were still that happy couple that met for lunch in the dining hall after class, that had left each other funny and sickeningly sweet voice mails when they spent the weekend or even just a day away from each other, that held hands when they walked.

Well that all just went to hell the day Logan got the tapes.


	4. I know voices dying with a dying fall

Disclaimer: VM does not belong to me although I would like to be a proud owner of Jason Dohring. Chapter title comes from TS Eliot.

Author's Note: To clear up any confusion (sorry) please note that the videos were made at different times throughout this season beginning post-break up and pre-Parker's birthday party at the Neptune Grand. Veronica has been working on a large case since her breakup with Logan over the Madison incident. Not an awesome chapter, sadly less angst, more explaining and helping of plot to move forward. It was hard getting into Mac Mode.

Also, Thank you for all the reviews!

Chapter 4: I know the voices dying with a dying fall

It had been such a regular day when Logan showed up on her door with a tape. Of course that should have been the tip-off since she was in Neptune and the Fates hated her after all. She had been switched at birth with the biggest bitch in Neptune High. She fell in love with a mass murderer who had raped her good friend. She went to college with the big brother of her dead ex, the aforementioned mass murderer. She thought she was now falling in love with said big brother, which constituted betrayal of her current boyfriend Bronson, who was as sweet as cotton candy and just as nice. Of course, why wouldn't things get worse, after all didn't they say it doesn't just rain, it pours. Damn them for being so on target.

The summer had started out fairly normal. That was just another sign that things were about to go pear-shaped and that the pear would then explode in all their faces and actually it was a flaming pear so it would also be incredibly painful and everyone would suffer third degree burns.

But no, she supposed she still surprisingly retained a shred of innocence and naiveté that created hope that things were going to be quiet in Neptune for once.

Mac was living and working from home, making big bucks consulting for a company online. Wallace, as per usual, was at the college version of basketball camp on campus, so he was also around. Bronson, her perfect, _oblivious,_ boyfriend, was in Africa to help the needy. Veronica had been accepted into the elite FBI internship program and was finally had the chance to leave Neptune and the accompanying bad memories and bad breakups behind, at least for the summer. Her roommate and friend had moved into her boyfriend's place for the summer with Mac's help. The summer was looking good, you could even say peaceful.

Parker had told Mac while they were moving boxes that she hoped that living together would solidify the bond that she and Logan had.

Mac didn't want to dash her hopes and say that she thought that Logan might still be hung up on Veronica and certainly vice versa. Even though Veronica and Logan were now approaching the four-month anniversary of their break up. Even though Parker and Logan had been dating for three months. Even though Logan looked happy with Parker. Even though Veronica had looked kind of happy with Piz. Even though whenever Logan and Veronica looked each other, the sexual tension was damn near suffocating and their longing looks were downright embarrassing.

Of course, she didn't say that any of that out loud. Whoever said honesty was the best policy was smoking some bad crack. She grew up in Neptune and she was as an accomplished liar as Logan and Veronica were and could fake happy. She assured Parker that of course their bond would only be strengthened. Of course, Logan loved her. Of course, Veronica would be okay with it.

It was her comforting lies that killed Veronica Mars. Helping Parker move in with Logan was the nail in her coffin, an empty coffin, but her coffin to be sure. She was sure of it.

Veronica Mars left Neptune for a cross-country trip to Quantico, Virginia with another girl from Hearst who was accepted into the FBI program. That was three weeks ago. She clearly never made it. Logan came with a tape two Sundays ago. Veronica had been incommunicado since she had left but sometimes she did that. But no, the tape was proof.

Proof that Veronica was dead and she was never coming back to make up with Logan. Parker was just going to have to be a permanent placeholder. Veronica was never going to ask for a favor from her again in her cute and coy way. They were never going to have that night of tears and screams and talking about that night on the roof when two girls got broke some more. Veronica and Mac were never going to share cynical and snide remarks about the Greeks at Hearst again. Veronica Mars was dead and it was all her fault.

Mac knew that if she had told Parker the truth, that she was just only a temporary replacement until Logan and Veronica got their lives together, Veronica would have stayed in Neptune, she would have stayed with Logan, and she would have never left to die far away from her friends and family in a random ass car bombing in Texas. Veronica would have told Logan what she was working on and he would have somehow protected Veronica from the investigation because no one would just randomly blow up Veronica. Veronica would still be alive. The only person that understood what kind of horror and loss that Mac had been through would be alive. She had been a bad friend choosing to not make waves instead of protecting her friend's interest and Veronica was dead. Mac curled into her bed sobbing. Everything, everything was her fault.

_(Veronica is on screen speaking)_

_Hi Mac-Attack,_

_Now that I am dead I am allowed to call you that all that I want. Bwhahaha._

_I suppose now you know why I asked for your help in setting up my laptop and that webcam to record. Oh Mac, you were the best Q a girl Bond could ever have. A better Q because I don't think Q ever had Margarita and Ice Cream Nights bitching about boys, Madison Sinclair, and tragic nights. Also I don't think Q and Bond ever got so tipsy that they danced on the tables…(Veronica laughs at the memory)_

_We're survivors, Mac, and we may not have come out of our tragic nights completely unscathed but that doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness too. _

_I like Bronson, I do. Who else would be part of the lab rat Underground Railroad? Did you know I did a background check on him? Just to make sure you know in case anything ever happened and you would need blackmail material. But he's perfect. He's a vegetarian, loves cute and cuddly animals, is a good student, volunteers. He doesn't even have any unpaid parking tickets. The boy is perfect and perfectly normal. _

_Happiness doesn't always come in the normal packages. I tried that with Duncan and failed because oh he didn't exactly turn out to be normal. Teen dad on the run after all isn't white picket fences. I am trying out normal with Piz, but it's horrible to say but I am fairly sure it's not going to work out. I still miss Logan and he certainly isn't normal, but he made me happy, furious, but happy._

_I say all this because I know you want to be safe and I am dead so I am fairly sure I am safe from any possible attack from you. (Veronica grins impishly) I know you want to be with someone where they are more in love with you and would do anything for you because it's comfortable. I know that's what Bronson is, but I also know you've been looking at Dick Casablancas sideways every now and then. I also recognize that the look isn't pure loathing. Although that's there too. _

_Seriously?? Dick??? But if you think Dick can make you happy and not just feel comfortable, then I think you should go for it. Of course, I think your taste is horribly impaired and you probably need a good whack on the head, but well like I said happiness doesn't come in cute little packages, sometimes they come in even _littler_ packages. (Veronica waggles her eyebrows and winks lasciviously in a clearly sarcastic manner)_

_When you conquer the world, rename one of the larger countries for me. Marsland or Veronitopia. Where everyone is a Veronican._

_Bye Mackie. Be at peace. Let not that dark night bleed into the new day. (Veronica reaches over and turns off the webcam) _

Dick jumped into the bedroom from the window and scanned the room rapidly locating the forlorn girl curled tightly in the middle of the bed. Much as he had done for the last 2 weeks, he laid beside her and pulling her to rest on his chest. Veronica was a super detective even from death. Mac had never seen this coming.

She never saw the day that Dick Casablancas would be her savior. She couldn't sleep anymore. The nightmares were too much. Even before Veronica died, she would often wake with a scream caught in her throat. Back in the Neptune Grand. Back in that room, curled naked in the corner, not knowing what was going on, only that the boy she loved had discarded her as trash along with the sheets and all her clothes. She sometimes dreamt she was the one falling, jumping, leaping screaming to her death from that roof. She sometimes dreamt that Cassidy with his beautiful eyes pleading for her to save him, save him from something she didn't even know he was in danger from.

Her conscience now was stained with the deaths of two. She could not sleep at all.

Until she found Dick. Such a jackass, but his heartbeat was better than Ambien. His arms warmer and more secure than any quilt. His voice murmuring nonsense into her comforted her more than anything. She could only sleep when he was there to protect her. Dick made her feel safe, loved, and wanted, and wasn't that the most utterly fucked up thing ever.


End file.
